


Swear On My Grave

by mehmehmeh



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Lost Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Season/Series 02 Spoilers, hints at prejudice and homophobia, no extramarital affairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 13:31:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6053359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehmehmeh/pseuds/mehmehmeh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>**post-S2E14**<br/>Escaping Zoom, the West-Allens flee Central City to Atlantis when Barry is awakened by a midnight phone call. A brief intake of breath before a new day begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swear On My Grave

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the tag, Coldflash and West-Allen coexist in this fic but it doesn't specifically deal with extramarital affairs. You can argue that Barry's heart is elsewhere but well.... *shrugs* Again, as mentioned in the tag, the homophobia is super vague and nuanced so you won't be hit in the face with any slurs/blatant remarks.

After a whirlwind acquaintance with a life-long idol, waking up in captivity from said idol, getting shot at by icicles, climbing a death-defying cliff, pep-talking a doppleganger into moving through glass, and a narrow escape from evil, it was several hours later that Barry Allen-West’s phone rang.

The time difference made it close to midnight. With his wife sleeping in the other bed, Barry slipped out onto the balcony. A cool breeze hit his cheeks, flittering away into a glitter of light dotting the night like forgotten memory.

Their hotel room was modestly luxurious with decorations appropriate for a vacation. It was Atlantis after all. Cheeriness permeated every person and thing, translated into sunny wallpaper, flashing smiles, blooming flowers, and a cobalt blue ocean.

It was stifling. Barry was gasping for air and knew Iris was too. Frustration and pain were apparent in her outline, shoulders too sharp and tones too crisp. She lost a father, couldn’t avenge his death, and got caught up and spat out by a battle she wasn’t part of. Barry wasn’t even sure how or where to begin comforting her other than serving as a mute punching bag. She seemed to believe everything was his fault and made it apparent in a passive-aggressive cold shoulder. It was unfair but hard to say anything when he wasn’t even there at Joe’s death bed. There was nothing Barry could’ve done, being knocked out and locked up at the time, but that made things feel even worse. It was failure, weakness, and proof of his ineffectuality, just like Joe had always said.

“Where are you, kid.”

Barry blew out a sigh. The voice was gruff, almost angry, edged with a hint of nervousness. It had been a while since he heard this voice. How long—maybe five, possibly ten years. It was right before the campaign started, when things became complicated, and politics disfigured love into scandal.

“Atlantis.”  
“You alright?”  
“More or less.”  
“Give me a straight answer. Are you okay.”  
“Joe’s dead.”

Joe West was a smart man. He never liked Barry and for good reason. The usual digs about Iris’ safety was a mask that covered a stronger conviction both men didn't dare say. Joe knew and understood, better than anyone else, the workings of the human soul. He sang enough about them. Love. It was always about love.

Barry loved Iris, would rather die than see her hurt. He knew that and believed it wholeheartedly. Hell, he’d proven it just hours ago. And yet it was this voice, Len’s voice, that finally smoothed out his irregular rhythm.

“I heard.” It took a while to understand the comment was about Joe.  
“I’m surprised you had the time.” Or care, Barry wanted to add, but didn’t have the strength. He wanted to breathe, just for now, while everyone else was dreaming.  
“It was on the news,” Len answered in a huff of breath. “You scared me, kid.”  
“Well, I wasn’t there so I can’t really tell you more than what you heard on TV.”  
“I thought—”  
“That wasn’t me, well he was me but from a different universe, like me with super-powers in a red leather suit and can pass through walls but still with weird self-esteem issues and… it’s a long story.” Barry rubbed his forehead with a chuckle. Even to his ears he sounded tired. Nothing made sense. The only tether to reality was Len breathing through the speakers.  
“So…you’re alright.”  
Barry laughed. “Yes, yes, I’m fine.”  
“Alright.” The confirmation was soft. Barry imagined the other man loosening his composure. It was early morning in Central. Len might be at home or already in his office, taking a short break before the day began. He probably didn’t get much sleep these days, what with the city zooming towards doom and gloom.

Len loved Central City. Barry loved and hated him for it.

“How long are you staying in Atlantis.”  
“I don’t know. A few days, tops. We still need to organize a funeral and that can’t really wait.”  
“Do you need anything.” Len’s questions never sounded like questions. They were always blunt, sentences clipped tightly into blows with no hint of concern. Barry used to laugh at the macho posturing. Len had always answered with a bruising kiss. “You never complain about my manliness in bed,” he’d laughed.

That was then, this is now. CSI West-Allen is in a resort hotel room with his mourning wife, answering a call from an unknown ID. Life is funny like that. Barry fiddled with his wedding band and politely declined the mayor’s offer.

“There is nothing you can do.”

Everything either of them could’ve done was in the past. It was a necessity at the time, as much as it hurt, and they both knew it was futile to fight. Barry accepted it and watched Len win. All the possibilities were worthy sacrifices for a better city, a better future, a dream come true. To see all that crumble was almost poetic justice—almost being the operative word. They feared the names and sticks and stones were what got them in the end. Nothing can beat brute force. The universe must be laughing so hard right now. Barry telling another Barry to believe in the impossible—you can do it, don’t give up, keeping fighting—was the best punchline. He’d never felt so hypocritical in his life.

“Scarlet…”  
“It’s okay. I’m fine, Iris is fine, we’re fine. There is nothing you can or need to do.”

The pet name never made sense. Len didn’t try to explain and Barry was comfortable with that. It colored him, made him Len’s. Hearing it now only made his skin itch, old paint peeling off in small rusty flakes. Red wasn’t his color anymore. The phone went dead for a while and there was an audible sigh. Barry closed his eyes and basked in it.

“If you say so, kid.”

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? It was, way back when, and is even now. If only Barry could have said, begged, reasoned, tried…provided the strength both of them needed to weather through everything and still come out triumphant, it was possible that they were together right now. In the silence of their living room so many years ago, all hope seemed lost because they’d killed it. Barry let that happen, let Len end it, and from that point on life became a compromise.

If he could go back in time and give himself the same lecture he gave today, if not for himself but for Iris, Joe, and Len, it would be worth facing Zoom a thousand times over.

“Thank you, for calling.”

That was all Barry could say, at this point in time. The horizon was already starting to color itself. Soon the birds will start chirping and Iris will wake. Another day in endless paradise, where this phone call will be hidden away, deep down, where all dreams laid to rest.

The line clicked off with no goodbye. It was fitting. Barry watched as sunlight creeped itself into darkness, airing out the shadows with a cheery promise. The band on his finger glittered silver, cool to the touch. He played with it absentmindedly. The past was past. There was only so much strength Barry could prove and that was from now and onwards.

“I will keep her safe.”

Till death do us part.

 

Barry kissed his wedding ring and left the balcony. He could almost hear Joe growling out a “You better, Bartholomew.”

And he will, because in this world, he was Barry Allen-West.

 

 

 


End file.
